Monday was a cold one here in Texas.
Not just “light jacket” cold either — the kind that actually gives you permission to get dressed. And if you know this state, you know those days are exceedingly rare. Practically sacred.
A legitimate excuse to layer the fuck up.
I finally dug out this M65 jacket I’d been sitting on — waiting for the right moment to pair it with something that truly slaps — like this worn-in red Ralph Lauren button-down I’d thrifted just the day before.
The shirt had clearly been through the wash a few too many times. Wayyyyyy too many, if we’re being honest. But all that laundering gave it a perfect, broken-in fade.
Lately I’ve been working a bit more amekaji and ivy style into the rotation, which felt like reason enough to finally break in this pair of full-grain leather Allen Edmonds I’d scored for basically nothing at the Goodwill last week.
All-in-all, this was one of those rare fits where everything just worked. Naturally, I took a few flicks, queued them for the 'gram and then… hesitated.
For a brief moment I was paralyzed by the idea of performance — or being, quote-unquote, a "performative male."
The phrase sounds ridiculous, but it tapped into something I couldn’t quite articulate. Still, the fit was good, so the pics went up.
Afterwards, I did something I almost never do: I got personal online. Asking myself the same question I’d just asked:
“As a man, how do you post fits to the ’gram without being performative?”
The anxiety isn’t new. Fear of being misunderstood is basically the cost of existing in public. Perception — the way I see it — is an endless network of alleys, side streets, and byways, where everyone gets to decide what your vibes are.
To be perceived is to be known, to be seen.
But what happens when people don’t like what they see? Not because you lack taste — if you’re reading this, you’ve got plenty — but because you’re too cool?
Patience, dear reader — I can feel the confusion from here.
You’re thinking: how could I not be universally adored online? My vibes are immaculate. My fits are already doing stupid numbers in r/MFA. So what’s the problem?
Hate to break it to you, brother, but the days of posting a fly-ass #OOTD without someone diagnosing you as a peacocking fuckboy are mostly behind us. A man can’t simply step outside in a good jacket anymore — not without a little suspicion.
Still, if you happen to find yourself among the ever-shrinking demographic of “chill dudes,” there may yet be a way through this.
Consider this a first entry into your field guide for living a non-performative life online.